Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Ready for take off
(original post Jan 13)
Went in Thurs for the (*insert doom and gloom music*) HSG and ....
I'M ALL CLEAR!
The me and the doc were surprised actually since my history was making him think that endo was blocking my tubes. But nope. He's guessing if I do have endo that it's a mild case and at least it's not involving the tubs. Woo hoo!
The man wanted to go in but he was told all he could do was wait right outside the doors. So I went in and sat on the chair waiting for the doc and I started to cry. I was so afraid of the impending pain that I just broke down. I will say though I'm so glad I took the valium and the 800 mg of ibuprophin. The doc came in and saw me crying. He was all "oh honey, what's wrong. Ok here, we'll talk before we start ok?" And proceeded to tell me how many he's done, that he'll tell me when the usual pain would start, he would go slow, and he did this procedure on his wife--who did kick him in the face. So it would be ok.
I composed myself and sat up on the table. I told him to make it festive and fun I should have put glitter all over the place. He laughed. I laid down and felt the usual speculum go in and no big woop. Then he told me to cough and...
I screamed so loud that I knew people outside heard me. The pain felt like someone took a needle and shoved it in my cervix. I was dizzy for a bit because it was that bad and started to cry a little and got so scared. Then I felt another odd pain like either a clamp or another speculum shoved up my cervix and screamed "THAT SUCKS" so loud that I"m sure more people heard me. That was it I knew I was a gonner and was closing my eyes. The nurse held me down and told me I had to open my legs more because I was squishing whatever clamp thingy that was on my cervix. I spread 'em and it felt slightly better.
I felt the little catheter baloon inflate and it felt weird. Not hurt but my usual crampy pain that I feel every day so it was ok. Then he said 'here comes the dye" and was prepping for severe pain. So far, nothing. Then he said roll to the right then back on my back then to the left. And nothing happened! No pain!
He then said. "Ok you did good, we're all done."
We're all done? I felt nothing but that cervix thingy. He took the cath out which was weird. But that was it. I was so happy it was over.
He then showed me the results and I knew what clear was like. I clapped and said "oh my god, I'm clear?!" He goes "wow, you do know how to read these things."
He said I had something a little weird at the top of my uterus like a little bump but no big deal and my cervix was crooked like a question mark. But tubes looked fabulous.
I left the room and my husband was sheet white. He stands up and goes, "oh my god what happened are you ok? I heard you scream and are you ok? I told him yea and the good news but he was still shaking after hearing me through the doors.
Later we went to a restaurant where he got me a chocolate shake and treated me like a fragile porcelain doll. Hell, I'll take it. He gave me a kiss on the head and said, "I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. Thank you for giving it a try for our babies." (ok you can stop gagging, it was sweet).
I laid in bed all day just to relax and soak in that I had pain that I would never, ever forget. But I'm grateful for the news. On to blood tests for progesterone and an ultrasound.
The man still needs to do his part and yes, I'm using my pain experience as the ultimate guilt. If I can get something jabbed inside me, then he can jiz in a cup.
Before we went to sleep he giggled and said, "While I'm glad you're out of pain and it's over, I will always associate this experience with your true nature and style by screaming THAT SUCKS so loud you scared 3 guys waiting for xrays down the hall. That's my girl."
Yea I can only imagine my winning phrases when I give birth. If this is a slight glimmer of what pushing a head through my cervix feels like, that will indeed truly suck.
Went in Thurs for the (*insert doom and gloom music*) HSG and ....
I'M ALL CLEAR!
The me and the doc were surprised actually since my history was making him think that endo was blocking my tubes. But nope. He's guessing if I do have endo that it's a mild case and at least it's not involving the tubs. Woo hoo!
The man wanted to go in but he was told all he could do was wait right outside the doors. So I went in and sat on the chair waiting for the doc and I started to cry. I was so afraid of the impending pain that I just broke down. I will say though I'm so glad I took the valium and the 800 mg of ibuprophin. The doc came in and saw me crying. He was all "oh honey, what's wrong. Ok here, we'll talk before we start ok?" And proceeded to tell me how many he's done, that he'll tell me when the usual pain would start, he would go slow, and he did this procedure on his wife--who did kick him in the face. So it would be ok.
I composed myself and sat up on the table. I told him to make it festive and fun I should have put glitter all over the place. He laughed. I laid down and felt the usual speculum go in and no big woop. Then he told me to cough and...
I screamed so loud that I knew people outside heard me. The pain felt like someone took a needle and shoved it in my cervix. I was dizzy for a bit because it was that bad and started to cry a little and got so scared. Then I felt another odd pain like either a clamp or another speculum shoved up my cervix and screamed "THAT SUCKS" so loud that I"m sure more people heard me. That was it I knew I was a gonner and was closing my eyes. The nurse held me down and told me I had to open my legs more because I was squishing whatever clamp thingy that was on my cervix. I spread 'em and it felt slightly better.
I felt the little catheter baloon inflate and it felt weird. Not hurt but my usual crampy pain that I feel every day so it was ok. Then he said 'here comes the dye" and was prepping for severe pain. So far, nothing. Then he said roll to the right then back on my back then to the left. And nothing happened! No pain!
He then said. "Ok you did good, we're all done."
We're all done? I felt nothing but that cervix thingy. He took the cath out which was weird. But that was it. I was so happy it was over.
He then showed me the results and I knew what clear was like. I clapped and said "oh my god, I'm clear?!" He goes "wow, you do know how to read these things."
He said I had something a little weird at the top of my uterus like a little bump but no big deal and my cervix was crooked like a question mark. But tubes looked fabulous.
I left the room and my husband was sheet white. He stands up and goes, "oh my god what happened are you ok? I heard you scream and are you ok? I told him yea and the good news but he was still shaking after hearing me through the doors.
Later we went to a restaurant where he got me a chocolate shake and treated me like a fragile porcelain doll. Hell, I'll take it. He gave me a kiss on the head and said, "I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. Thank you for giving it a try for our babies." (ok you can stop gagging, it was sweet).
I laid in bed all day just to relax and soak in that I had pain that I would never, ever forget. But I'm grateful for the news. On to blood tests for progesterone and an ultrasound.
The man still needs to do his part and yes, I'm using my pain experience as the ultimate guilt. If I can get something jabbed inside me, then he can jiz in a cup.
Before we went to sleep he giggled and said, "While I'm glad you're out of pain and it's over, I will always associate this experience with your true nature and style by screaming THAT SUCKS so loud you scared 3 guys waiting for xrays down the hall. That's my girl."
Yea I can only imagine my winning phrases when I give birth. If this is a slight glimmer of what pushing a head through my cervix feels like, that will indeed truly suck.
My god is a funny god
(original post Feb 16, 2008)
The days when I get a massive gas pain attack on the train yet have to keep it in for 45 minutes shows me god thinks he's funny.
Next up: adventures in sperm analysis and why my husband called and said, "THAT SUCKED!"
The days when I get a massive gas pain attack on the train yet have to keep it in for 45 minutes shows me god thinks he's funny.
Next up: adventures in sperm analysis and why my husband called and said, "THAT SUCKED!"
Back in Jan 08....
(I decided to collect all infertility posts from my other blog and put them here too in case I decide to make this an official infertility blog)
It's offical:
1. this is turning into an infertility blog--my apologies off the bat.
2. I'm utterly confused and freaked out by this whole process.
Saw the doc the other day and he went over my results. Here I am thinking I'm all sassy with my "normal" FSH and only progesterone is all funky.
Nope.
FSH is 9.2 and a 10 is the beginning of worry-ville. He said that being 36 and "issues" arrising, that a 9.2 signals that trouble is starting to tick.
In short, I'm getting fucking old.
Then he went over progesterone, which I already knew was low.
I told him that the good ol left ovarian cyst is BACK and fucking painful and was hoping to prove it to him. He said he'll give me an ultrasound. I have visions of "wow, that puppy is big. Let's pop that puppy out of that ovary and be gone."
Instead words like Clomid was used. Here I am going all "uhhh ok sure." because an IUI is no big woop. So what the hey.
I get my ultrasound and it's now a 5cm instead of last test of a 3 cm. Great. The tech is nice and we chit chat and she goes "So, what is his treatment plan?" I said Clomid. Her eyes bug out of her sockets and she goes " CLOMID??? Heck no. That will make this thing bigger and it's already huge plus you can get more on top of this one."
Ok for reference, here is back in Nov and now Jan.
Nice, eh?
So I'm in full freakout mode but am in shock because at this point, I have no idea what is going on. FSH, progesterone, bleeding cyst, huge ass cyst, Clomid, pills, ultrasound. My head spins and I just go with the flow. She consults the doc because she's concerned and she comes back with a look of annoyance on her face, "well, looks like you have to take Clomid every other month." And I get shoved out the front door.
I had this huge feeling of WTF going on. What's this making the cyst bigger thingy??? I look up the Clomid prescribing info and clear as day, woomp there it is:
"CONTRAINDICATIONS: DO NOT USE CLOMID IF THERE ARE EXISTING CYSTS."
Well let's just hold the fucking phone. This wasn't told to me. And neither was the cyst getting worse from it. I had to get that 411 from the ultrasound tech.
I love my doc. He's very well respected and is with a great clinic and hospital. I like his personality and he's sweet but this is a very high concern for me. Why didn't he mention these risks when I asked risks. I heard bitchiness and hot flashes. I did not hear "oh it can make the cyst worse" side effects. He sort of let that minor thing out. Even my OB from way back said "your cyst needs to go away before any ovarian stimulation." Well it's on the track to get stimulated and I don' want to make a fucking move until I get answers and relief from this cyst. I hear that surgery isn't an option because I can kiss this ovary goodbye (or at least fertility workup). I also saw that my ultrasound had 6 follicles on the right side. I'm just hoping I'm misreading it and now is not the time to count those puppies because 6 is very low (not pathetic, just very low).
Here I was all "woo hoo. Normal HSG; do the Brown, do the Brown." And then a progesterone of low and going "meh, WebMD says progesterone suppositories (love that word)." Then off to "fucking cyst is back oh well, they'll pop that baby." And now? All of that speculation, hope, and doing the "Brown" is kicked in the nutsack. I just feel like my positive attitude is a laughing stock (shut up, in real life, I actually am really bubbly at the doc office. They all love my sense of humor). On top of all of this, the man has to get retested. They're great swimmers, it's just a lot of them decided to hang out at the bar or something because they didn't show up. But I guess banging on the door of a bathroom while you're rubbing one out can disrupt it. I don't know. My hopeful "doing the Brown" side is all "wow, IUI is so perfect and easy." HA!!! I laugh AND spit on your bubbly sense of humor and hope.
Fuck.
This is all sucking. I'm scared about fucking up my body. I don't need some cyst to rupture and destroy my ovary (on top of causing major pain and embarassment. I can see it happening at work. Fuckers better give me flowers out of sympathy if it does happen). And I don't need it to grow to 10lbs. If you go on YouTube, there is a video of surgery of this. I already have the slight preggo look from all this bloated whatever is going on.
Now I'm just waiting for Aunt Flo to bang on my door. It seems the cyst likes to keep Aunt Flo drunk and party like it's 1999 because I usually wind up late--as in 32ish days late. That's when the cyst throws a dirty, drunk, used up Aunt Flo back my way and goes "See you in 2 months, beeeyaaatch."
Part of me wants to ask the doc of this cyst is causing all of these levels to go wacked because I'll be damned if I'm told I'm old, bleeding, and useless (ok he didn't say this but this is how I'm starting to feel, big time!)
I always said I wouldn't be one of those "insane infertilty bitches who get all obsessed with their charts, measures, counts, and whatever". Well, I was wrong. Just like I'm wrong with everything I thought always knew about infertility, drugs, treatement, procedures, anatomy, and IVF. I realize that being a former editor for 2 peer-reviewed infertility journals only makes me a former editor for 2 peer-reviewed infertility journals (or as many call it--a WebMD hack).
Now excuse me while this obsessed and confused infertile bitch posts in 4 different topic areas of an infertility message board.
It's offical:
1. this is turning into an infertility blog--my apologies off the bat.
2. I'm utterly confused and freaked out by this whole process.
Saw the doc the other day and he went over my results. Here I am thinking I'm all sassy with my "normal" FSH and only progesterone is all funky.
Nope.
FSH is 9.2 and a 10 is the beginning of worry-ville. He said that being 36 and "issues" arrising, that a 9.2 signals that trouble is starting to tick.
In short, I'm getting fucking old.
Then he went over progesterone, which I already knew was low.
I told him that the good ol left ovarian cyst is BACK and fucking painful and was hoping to prove it to him. He said he'll give me an ultrasound. I have visions of "wow, that puppy is big. Let's pop that puppy out of that ovary and be gone."
Instead words like Clomid was used. Here I am going all "uhhh ok sure." because an IUI is no big woop. So what the hey.
I get my ultrasound and it's now a 5cm instead of last test of a 3 cm. Great. The tech is nice and we chit chat and she goes "So, what is his treatment plan?" I said Clomid. Her eyes bug out of her sockets and she goes " CLOMID??? Heck no. That will make this thing bigger and it's already huge plus you can get more on top of this one."
Ok for reference, here is back in Nov and now Jan.
Nice, eh?
So I'm in full freakout mode but am in shock because at this point, I have no idea what is going on. FSH, progesterone, bleeding cyst, huge ass cyst, Clomid, pills, ultrasound. My head spins and I just go with the flow. She consults the doc because she's concerned and she comes back with a look of annoyance on her face, "well, looks like you have to take Clomid every other month." And I get shoved out the front door.
I had this huge feeling of WTF going on. What's this making the cyst bigger thingy??? I look up the Clomid prescribing info and clear as day, woomp there it is:
"CONTRAINDICATIONS: DO NOT USE CLOMID IF THERE ARE EXISTING CYSTS."
Well let's just hold the fucking phone. This wasn't told to me. And neither was the cyst getting worse from it. I had to get that 411 from the ultrasound tech.
I love my doc. He's very well respected and is with a great clinic and hospital. I like his personality and he's sweet but this is a very high concern for me. Why didn't he mention these risks when I asked risks. I heard bitchiness and hot flashes. I did not hear "oh it can make the cyst worse" side effects. He sort of let that minor thing out. Even my OB from way back said "your cyst needs to go away before any ovarian stimulation." Well it's on the track to get stimulated and I don' want to make a fucking move until I get answers and relief from this cyst. I hear that surgery isn't an option because I can kiss this ovary goodbye (or at least fertility workup). I also saw that my ultrasound had 6 follicles on the right side. I'm just hoping I'm misreading it and now is not the time to count those puppies because 6 is very low (not pathetic, just very low).
Here I was all "woo hoo. Normal HSG; do the Brown, do the Brown." And then a progesterone of low and going "meh, WebMD says progesterone suppositories (love that word)." Then off to "fucking cyst is back oh well, they'll pop that baby." And now? All of that speculation, hope, and doing the "Brown" is kicked in the nutsack. I just feel like my positive attitude is a laughing stock (shut up, in real life, I actually am really bubbly at the doc office. They all love my sense of humor). On top of all of this, the man has to get retested. They're great swimmers, it's just a lot of them decided to hang out at the bar or something because they didn't show up. But I guess banging on the door of a bathroom while you're rubbing one out can disrupt it. I don't know. My hopeful "doing the Brown" side is all "wow, IUI is so perfect and easy." HA!!! I laugh AND spit on your bubbly sense of humor and hope.
Fuck.
This is all sucking. I'm scared about fucking up my body. I don't need some cyst to rupture and destroy my ovary (on top of causing major pain and embarassment. I can see it happening at work. Fuckers better give me flowers out of sympathy if it does happen). And I don't need it to grow to 10lbs. If you go on YouTube, there is a video of surgery of this. I already have the slight preggo look from all this bloated whatever is going on.
Now I'm just waiting for Aunt Flo to bang on my door. It seems the cyst likes to keep Aunt Flo drunk and party like it's 1999 because I usually wind up late--as in 32ish days late. That's when the cyst throws a dirty, drunk, used up Aunt Flo back my way and goes "See you in 2 months, beeeyaaatch."
Part of me wants to ask the doc of this cyst is causing all of these levels to go wacked because I'll be damned if I'm told I'm old, bleeding, and useless (ok he didn't say this but this is how I'm starting to feel, big time!)
I always said I wouldn't be one of those "insane infertilty bitches who get all obsessed with their charts, measures, counts, and whatever". Well, I was wrong. Just like I'm wrong with everything I thought always knew about infertility, drugs, treatement, procedures, anatomy, and IVF. I realize that being a former editor for 2 peer-reviewed infertility journals only makes me a former editor for 2 peer-reviewed infertility journals (or as many call it--a WebMD hack).
Now excuse me while this obsessed and confused infertile bitch posts in 4 different topic areas of an infertility message board.
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